Thursday, May 29, 2008

Needed: A New Roof Over My Head

Bob The Landlord is raising my rent because he says he’s ready to get out of the game, and higher rents throughout the building mean a higher sale price when he unloads the place later this year. As much as I want Bob to be able to retire in luxury, I’m not exactly cool with the price hike, so I’ve been putting some thought into alternative living situations.

Plan A: Move into the gazebo of a mansion being built one block south of where I currently live. The house sits on four or five combined lots, and word on the street is that it will soon be occupied by Michael Jordan (and now me). The gazebo is easily as big as my current apartment and far better insulated, I’m sure.

Plan B: Take up residence in the volunteer gardening cottage next to the Lincoln Park Zoo. This cottage has been recently refurbished and exudes coziness and rustic charm. It is convenient to many bus lines.

Plan C: TBD. Anyone? Bueller? Anyone? Please keep in mind that I refuse to occupy any abode that features carpeting, lack of a dishwasher or the necessity of chitchatting with strangers on elevators.

Meanwhile, a few things have occurred that are Very Suspicious Indeed.

1. This morning I was writing on my calendar, filling in the little day boxes of June with all the events I plan to attend and giving myself heart palpitations over the calories yet to be consumed. Suddenly, one of the plastic clips I use to hang the calendar near my desk popped off the wall and flew without warning toward the window, narrowly missing my eyeball.

2. For about one hour yesterday afternoon, I feared someone had stolen a large piece of chocolate in the shape of a toilet seat which was recently sent to me by a new plumbing showroom and which I was saving for all the editors to enjoy on a special occasion, like a Friday. I later discovered it wasn’t stolen, but it had transferred locations into a box of lip glosses and shave creams. So one mystery was solved, but another remained: is there a beauty bandit in our midst?

3. I swear there were four bananas on my kitchen table when I woke up on Tuesday. I took one to work. When I returned home that evening, only two bananas remained. BOB?


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Archit said...

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Anonymous said...

It's always hard to move BUT how can Bob raise the rent in a time like this? With the housing market in shambles and according to the NY Times, the luxury fashion houses continuing to rise the prices!

good luck with the move,